Take a look at this collection of jokes and have a good time! There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. Is Google male or female? What do Martians like to drink? 262. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. 178. How do celebrities stay cool? Someone glued my deck of cards together. I'm really good at sleeping. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?". Why was the math book sad? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it? Whats the best smelling insect? A garbage truck. Share. 88. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. Because then it would be a foot. Its not stroganoff. She gets out and says "I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. 21 What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name? 236. They GoPro! He takes careful aim. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults 21. If you pronounce Uranus correctly (Eur-uh-nus) then this joke makes no sense A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. I aint never seen nuthinlike that in my entire life, I aint got no idear what it is.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-netboard-1','ezslot_22',625,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-netboard-1-0'); While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Now, the main question here is this - are you ready for our selection of only the best long jokes ever? Because their capital is always Dublin. A pork chop. A URLologist. Why did the orange stop? A buccaneer. 85. 57. I would love to keep you fully stocked with creative ideas, yummy recipes, fun crafts, and loads of free printables. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges. A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. In his sleevies! 214. Theyre always up to something. I can do it with my eyes closed. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. For a high school dance, the head boy asked out the girl he liked. These jokes may be corny, but that doesn't mean they won't make you laugh. A Mars bar. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. 251. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Let us know what you think! Two dragons walk into a bar. A nervous wreck. 255. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? These food jokes are on little cards so you can put them in a lunch box. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Female, because it doesnt let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. ""Yes, yes, I trust you! Then it dawned on me. 182. What is a computer virus? Because when you find it, you stop looking. Check out more really funny you might be a redneck jokes that will make you laugh. 2. Where do pirates get their hooks? It wanted to improve its website. Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. 148. The taste, mostly. In a hambulance. When do computers overheat? I sold my vacuum the other day. So. It was near the forest so the local guide warned me that I might find some animals there. He gets out of the car and walks over to the rabbit. A refrigerator. 145. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, AITA? In the dictionary. My cat on my lap says she doesn't understand the joke and she would beat me in chess. Liked these funny redneck jokes? After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. Friends buy you lunch. "See that over there? An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. Why did the piano teacher need a ladder? Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! IE 11 is not supported. Why don't cats tell stories? Plus over 100 more of the funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell! Everything I looked at. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? We have lots of holiday-specific jokes, too, including Christmas jokes, New Year's jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, Halloween jokes, Easter jokes, Father's Day jokes and Valentine's Day. Mind Your Own Business replied, "I am looking for Trouble! 124. Laugh more: Funny Money Jokes 5 A soccer match. Here, the Dean said, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? What cookie flavor do monkeys love? What kind of bug can tell time? 147. Where do polar bears vote? The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. How much do roofs cost? What do you call a bear with no teeth? A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. They rummage around in the trunk, and eventually walk back over to the man holding a spray bottle. ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. Do you want to hear a construction joke? One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. This is one of our favorite joke books. My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Throw him in the mainstream. Why did the bullet end up losing his job? It starts to lick himself. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. 49. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Apparently, you cant use beef stew as a password. The rabbit says, "I believe that I am a type o.". Whats the most musical part of the chicken? "Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance. Which month do trees dislike? When should you take a plum to dinner? You boil the hell out of it. It just didnt work out! In case they get a hole in one. But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant. So they have a Ball.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); A week later, one of these redneck farmers says to his mate: Are you still worried she got pregnant? His mate says: Naw, not really. Then he replies: LETS TAKE THESE CONDOMS OFF THEN., Two rednecks were sitting on a porch. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Kick off the year with a laugh (or two) by telling these hilarious New Year's jokes. A big moron and a little moron were standing on a cliff. 237. they are always good for a laugh! Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? Why did the Football Coach go to the bank? Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Because he was outstanding in his field. A comedi-hen! A tuba toothpaste! He was Low-key! The perfect tummy control bodysuit, a popcorn gadget, more bestsellers starting at $8. She couldnt control her pupils. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. 180 Best Dad Jokes for Kids and Adults - Yahoo! News Why was there a bug in the computer? They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. You go on ahead. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Funeral director, "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem. 153. Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of Bubba!, A redneck sees another redneck carrying a bag. What kind of tree fits in your hand? What did Dory order from McDonalds? Did you hear the one about the roof? In the piano! What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? A dragon sees two knights and sighs. Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! As I was fixing the car, the lady would cross the road and shout "Hello" at me. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table. And today Im taking them to the beach. A carrot! The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Because its so cool. 256. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. From what I remember, Bubba said, I stood up and said, Sure, Im game.. 209. Search by topic Joke Topics Engine Jokes Cave Jokes Wednesday Jokes Mosquito Jokes Stew Jokes Snowflake Jokes I hope they will think they are seriously funny jokes! An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. The bartender says, We dont serve your type.. 146. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! "Her next announcement came six hours later: "Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available. Even when you know the punchline is totally going to make you groan, a clever gag is always worth hearing. What do you do with a sick boat? The genie grants her wish.I want to go home, too, says the second friend. Silence! You will have to leave two behind.. With a mon-key. Lawsuits. Quick Lesson. Never mind, its over your head. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. "This must be a mistake," the man says. Whats red and bad for your teeth? It's a knight light. Error occurred when generating embed. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Re-Morse code. Oinkment. 279. What part of the car is the laziest? 238. ""That's weird," answers the second man. The third guy ducks. ", Nah. Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? 19 Whats the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Because they were pop-ular. But, somehow he couldn't find him anywhere. Whats the difference between a rabbit and a plum? A walk. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Well my wifes so stupid, she bought us a Blu-Ray player and we dont even have a TV. You'll think I'm crazy until you should see me with my best friend. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! - Jokes Quotes Factory Sneakers wont help you outrun that bear." Funny Car Jokes the Whole Family with Love (with printable) How did the barber win the race? And the genie sends him back home.Im lonely, says the third friend. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. 273. The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. I always pronounce one word wrong. It was framed. 202. "The seat is empty. Despresso. "The farmer didn't answer. Looks authentic, doesn't it. 132. Why did the alien go to the doctor? A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. 231. 253. he shouted. They are on their honeymoon. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. I want some motherf***ing pancakes!, the second boy said. The other replies: chickens, why?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_19',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The first says: If I guess how many chickens you got in that bag there can i have one?, The redneck holding the bag of chickens says: If you guess how many chickens are in this bag Ill give you both of them!, Redneck couple get married. ""That's odd," answers the man. Whats the worst he can do there, besides rattle the bars? He had an eye-saur. 3. 89. A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. What's a cat's favorite dessert? This is the first World Cup Final we havent been to together since we got married." What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Foil again!. 16. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Man overboard! 282. 93. Any dog, because buildings cant jump. 48. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs. Did you hear about the medieval lamp? People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. 113. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. Where does a waitress with only one leg work? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Why are there gates around cemeteries? 111. ", Once, a mosquito walked into a clinic. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. 156. 248. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit? Once. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? A bulldozer. 163. Swimming trunks. 300 Funny Jokes Have a good laugh over these clean jokes you can tell your friends and kids without getting in trouble! Same middle name. A parrot. A pork chop. "The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.". Goodbye, 2022. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! Really? No anti-jokes here to leave you wondering why they were funny. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. What do you call a quiet laugh in Maui? What do you call a sleeping bull? The stork-market! Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer.The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change? Why did the man cut his camping trip short? Then why not share them with your friends? You don't have to be crazy to be my friend. Whats orange and sounds like a carrot? Theyre immediately taken back to a room. It is two tired. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny - Parade Why cant you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Share a giggle with these funny jokes! 138. 160. Because it scares their dogs. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?! What did the full glass say to the empty glass? The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? He takes off running and reaches the edge into the wind he goes! Funny For Dreadlocks Adjectives List of funny for dreadlocks adjectives to help modify your slogan. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Cricket. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. They're on the house! 72. You're the father of twins. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.