The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Return to Humor Page CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. A: Trapper John. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? contest. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . A: Executive action. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? parents. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. A: Buddy Holly. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. A: Beethoven's Fifth. A: Lorne Green. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. Kitchy-Kitchy? Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. girlfriend. Carson Caucas 1984. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: How many football games were televised over The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php (Crowd cheers) #10. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. . A: Burn the candle at both ends. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. violence? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. A: 2001. A: Zippo Marx. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. . May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . A: Baja. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. Q: Name two rams and a goat. A: Fort Knox. Carson . Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? A: The Loch Ness Monster. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? A: Damnation Alley. A: Pipe dream. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! A: The diamond lane. A: Sueeee, sueeee. No more years! , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Line: 208 . In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune Explanation of WPA. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on dickory? This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! Next. shorts. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. Forum Novelties. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. . May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. Get Image Page 2 of 4 99 $28.11 $28.11. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! hajahe155 6 yr. ago. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Carson 500's, The 1985. A: 2001. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. A: Kris Kristofferson Youre the straight man. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush nowadays. you? Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. A: "Oh God!" Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? A: "The Front." ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. his neck? A: All the President's men. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? Carnac The Magnificent undated. No one knows the contents of Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your A: Groundhog. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. A: Supervisor. Box 4, Folder 48. Key'n'Stroke. A: "Rose Bowl." Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Dustin Hoffman. A: Planter's Punch. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. A: Plumber's helper. A: Tail of Two Cities. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? . ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Related Topics. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! B. dee? A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Line: 315 Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. A: At both ends. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? share. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? A: Double hernia. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. A: Never on Sunday. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Short eyes. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC "Oh, The Question: Name three famous puppets. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. . promises. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. . CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? She said, Why didnt you go around me?. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson.